My haunting past
by behona
Summary: Wanda is a self-contained young woman who has been running from her past for years, but she finally settles down and tries to have a normal life, makes friends and even a cute, unexpected guy tries to get close to her heart. Will she succeed or will her haunting past ruin everything? AU, rated T just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey, Guys! So this is my first fan fiction ever. I've been writing since I was little and today an amazing storyline popped into my mind and because I am a huge Host fan and read a lot of Host fictions, I decided to write it a Host fiction. The beginning may be a little boring, but I promise that it's gonna be more and more interesting. I think you should also know that english is not my native language, so there might be some grammar or spelling mistakes. Sorry about that.**

**So here it is: the first chapter. Enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host.**

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_I was lying on the bedroom floor. My whole body was in pain. I couldn't move. I didn't dare to open my eyes. Then I heard the front door being shut and then I heard the car's engine being started. I slowly opened only my right eye, because I couldn't open the other one. I was covered in blood. Somehow I managed to sit up, leaning back to the side of the bed. There was blood under me. Too much blood. Oh God! No, no, no! _

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I woke up screaming again. It became part of my daily routine. I was covered in sweat and tears kept flowing down on my cheeks. _Calm down, Wanda. Just breathe._ I told myself, but it took me plenty of time to get rid of the horrible dream. Sadly it wasn't just a dream. It was a memory.

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I was grabbing my bag and keys and was about to leave when my phone started ringing. I was cursing to myself as I couldn't find it anywhere in my bag. Finally I found it under my purse and answered it.

"Hello!" I said it into the phone.

"Hey, Wanda!" I heard my best friend's voice. "How are you this morning?"

"What are you up to, Mel?" I knew that Melanie wanted something, otherwise she wouldn't have called me so early. She was not a morning person to say the least.

"I'm just checking on my best friend. Is that a problem?"

"No, of course not, but we both know that is not the reason you called so early." I said while I closed the door and started walking to my car.

"Fine, fine. You know me too well." And it was true, I knew everything about Mel. But I couldn't tell her everything about myself. She couldn't know about my past. No one could. I was too scared. I was too scared of someone finding out about it, because then I should have moved again. And after so many years of running I finally found a place that I could call my home. And I wasn't ready to let go of it.

"So, what is it?" I was becoming inpatient as I started the engine and put Mel on speakerphone.

"I just wanted to ask you if you're free tonight. I met someone at work who would be perfect for you and I was thinking about a double date." Of course she was. She had a boyfriend, Jared for maybe one year now. They were inseparable. And since Melanie had a boyfriend, everytime she met a cute or handsome guy, she always tried to fix me up with them.

"Mel, you know that I don't want to date anyone."

"I know, I know, just hear me out first. He is the new CFO at the company and he looks like a Greek god, Wanda. You should see his ocean blue eyes. They are mesmerizing. And he's single." I couldn't care less about his mesmerizing blue eyes. I was not interested in guys. Not anymore. I couldn't trust them. I couldn't trust anyone. Not completely.

"I'm sure he is a great guy, but not for me. You know that I only concentrate on my carrier now." I tried to turn her off politely.

"Wanda, sometimes you have to relax. And there is no better way than having dinner whit a cute guy. And he is beyond cute, trust me." She didn't give up easily. That's why I hated arguing with her. I couldn't win.

"Melanie, I really have to go now. I have work to do." I told here as I got out of my car and walked into the building where I worked. It was only a few blocks from my apartment.

"You know that I won't give up so easily. I keep calling and texting you, till you say yes."

"You can be such a pain in the ass, Stryder." She only laughed at my comment.

"That's why you love me, Meyer. Say yes and I'll leave you alone." I rolled my eyes.

"Okay. Yes. I will go to that stupid double date with you. But don't get your hopes up. I will be very polite, but nothing else. Are you happy now?"

"More than happy." I could hear her smile. "So I will come over to your place and help you pick out the right dress for you." Yeah, I was sure about that. She would pick me some crazy short skirt or dress to make me look sexy. But I didn't want to look sexy anymore. I didn't want people to stare at me. I wanted to be invisible. Nothing else.

"Yeah, sure. But I really have to hang up now. Talk to you later."

"Okay. Love you!" That made me smile. It was good to hear that someone loved me.

"Love you too. Bye." I put my phone in my bag and entered my office_. It's gonna be a long day._ I thought to myself.

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**So that was the first chapter. I hope you enjoyed it! ****Reviews would be lovely. **I would really like to hear your opinion on the story or my writing style. 


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow, it's so crazy that already three of you are following my story. Thank you so much, ClemmieCole, GilliebeanN and Rainbow Passion for following and thank you so much Sofia F for reviewing. It meant a lot to me. So here is chapter two. Enjoy it! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host.**

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_When I entered the motel room, I locked the door and immediately went into the bathroom. I took out the scissors and the haircolor out of my bag and started to cut off my long brown curls. My hair was so long that it almost reached the bottom of my back. I was crying because I loved my long hair. I was crying because I loved my friends, but I couldn't stay. I was crying because I lost him. I had to run away before he killed me too. I had to run for my life. With that thought on my mind I kept cutting my hair._

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I was looking at myself in the mirror of the bathroom. In the past few years I got used to my short blond hair. It made my face look like an angel's. I had never looked older than my age, because I am actually as short as a twelve-year-old kid, but with this hair I definitely didn't look twenty-six. Maybe I looked like seventeen, but I felt like I was a hundred years old. All that running and hiding was really exhausting. And I spent three years with that. After three years I became tired of it and decided to settle down for a little while in a small town. That was when I ran into Melanie in a supermarket. I literally ran into her. I didn't feel comfortable in such a crowded place, so I was in a hurry to get out as soon as possible. She was so friendly and such a happy person, that we started talking and after our little chat I decided to stay here. We exchanged numbers and since then we became best friends. I really tried my best to stay away from everyone, but I was so lonely, so incredibly lonely that I broke my rules and let her into my life. Of course I couldn't tell her about my real past, so I made up a new one, I even changed my last name to Meyer. I told her, that I was an orphan, so I didn't have any relatives and that I loved to travel, but decided to stay here for a while.

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I washed my face and went out to have a coffee. It was a beautiful Friday. The sun was shining and I wanted to go and lie on the beach all day. I couldn't remember the last time I was at the beach. I entered the coffee shop and ordered a latte macchiato. I wasn't that much of a coffee lover, but I loved this one.

"There you go." The girl said and handed me the cup. I smiled at her, turned around and headed to the door, when an unfamiliar voice called my name.

"Wanda?" Someone said. I didn't know too many people around here, though I lived here for half a year now. I turned around and saw a guy, at least one foot taller than me, smiling at me.

"Umm..do we know each other?" I asked him, confused. His smile grew even wider.

"No, but I think you have my coffee." He pointed at my cup. I looked down and to my surprise the name I read wasn't mine. "By the way, I'm Ian, as you can see."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." I walked up to him and gave him the cup. I tried not to look into his eyes. It became one of my habits. Looking into someone's eyes is too intimate. But I couldn't help myself and looked into his ocean blue eyes. Wow, I guess a lot of people have ocean blue eyes around here. The guy Mel was talking about and now him.

"It's okay." He said and gave me my coffee. His fingers slightly touched my fingers as I took it. I flinched. It was a long ago when a man last touched me. He noticed my reaction and his smile faded a little. Then he raised his cup and said: "Have a great life, Wanda." And with that he left the coffee shop. I felt relieved that I didn't get that much attention any longer. It was scary for me. I couldn't bare the idea of a men being flirty with me or touching me. They were all the same. I couldn't trust them. I took a sip of my coffee and headed back to the office where I felt almost safe. Of course I couldn't feel entirely safe anywhere.

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**I couldn't help myself and already put Ian into the story. I know... I should have waited, but I love him too much. :D I hope you liked it.**

**Reviews are always appreciated! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey Guys! Thank you so much for following, favouriting and reviewing. It meant the world to me. And I got the result of one of my exams and it's so good, that I decided to upload another chapter. **

******Someone said that this story reminded him/her of Safe Haven and I wanted to make it clear that my story is and will be a lot different. Of course I've seen the movie and loved it (Josh Duhamel is so damn hot! :P) and seen other movies with assaulted women like Enough or Sleeping with the enemy and I also read true stories of these women and felt like this is such an important topic, you know. Everybody has to know that there's no good reason for hitting a woman. Ever.  
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**Oh, and I wanted to let you know, that I write the flashback pretty randomly, so you have to put the pieces together (sorry, but I think it's more fun), but close to the end everything will be clear. But for now, Enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host**

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_I was pulling clothes out of the drawers and popping them into my bag. I had to get out of here. I had to leave him. He would kill me sooner or later. I had to get out. He would come back. He would kill me. But I didn't know where to go. I didn't have anyone to go to. I still felt the blood in my mouth and still couldn't open my left eye. He beat me so bad this time. I screamed out in pain and ran out of the house. I couldn't stay there. I had to run away. I had to ran away. That was all I could think about._

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At four p.m. I finished all my work and all that I wanted was taking a hot bath and watching a movie on my couch. I lifted up my bag and took my car keys from my desk and left my office. One of my colleges was still there, packing her stuff.

"Bye, Sharon." I told her as I passed by her. She didn't even bother to turn to face me. She never really liked me and I never tried to change that. Everything was fine for me just the way it was. Just when I climbed into my car, my phone started ringing. I looked at the screen and saw Mel's name. God, I totally forgot about the double date. That was the last thing I wanted to do. But I knew that Mel just wouldn't leave me alone. So I answered it.

"Hi, Mel. How was your day?" I asked her.

"God, just terribly boring. I had to do all those paperwork. I don't even know why I work here. I hate my job. I should have become a runner or something." Yes, Melanie always complained about her job. She told me that she was a really good runner when she was young and every time she had some free time, she put on her sneakers and went for a run. That was what made her feel free.

"I'm sorry to hear that." And I was really sorry. I didn't like the idea of her being unhappy.

"Nah.. it's okay. I just called to remind you to our very special double date. I hope you didn't forget about it." I rolled my eyes.

"How could I forget about it? It's gonna be a nightmare."

"Oh, come on, Wanda! Don't be so negative. Try to relax and have some fun for God's sake!"

"You do know that fun means something totally different for me. It's gonna be so awkward."

"Okay, enough talking. I'm coming over around five, so we'll have two hours to get ready. I will bring some clothes with me in case you don't have any sexy dresses." Oh, Mel and her sexy dresses.

"Okay, see you at five. Bye." I turned on the radio. I couldn't bare silence. Silence made me think of my past and that was the last thing I wanted to do. That day was already horrible and the worst part was still ahead of me.

I was watching TV when Mel arrived. She was carrying a big bag probably full of clothes and makeup. She was looking me in horror.

"You didn't wash your hair? What's wrong with you?" I looked into the mirror. I didn't look that bad, though I wasn't in my best shape.

"I was thinking about a ponytail."

"A ponytail? You know what ponytail says? It is not sexy at all. So hurry, and wash your hair. I'm gonna pick out your dress in the meanwhile." She said and pushed me towards the bathroom.

"Okay, okay. I'm gonna wash my hair, but you are not picking out anything, understood?" I asked her while I entered the bathroom.

"Sure, sure." She said, but I was sure that she had already picked out a dress for me. I quickly washed my hair and started drying it. The good thing about short hair was that I could dry it in ten minutes. After I finished I went to the livingroom. Melanie was already dressed up in a really short red dress. She looked beautiful, she always did. While I… well, not so much. Just average.

"So, I was thinking about some jeans with a nice blouse." I said.

"You're going to a date, Wanda, and not to the supermarket." She rolled her eyes. "I thought about this dress, maybe." She showed up a nice blue dress. I wasn't even that short.

"Okay, I'll try it on." I did, and it looked pretty good on me. After that Mel did my hair and makeup and at seven we were both ready to leave. Honestly, I felt a little excited. But only just a little. Then an image of Ryan popped into my mind. I couldn't let anyone close to me. Especially not a man. There's no way. Then I heard the bell ringing. I opened the door to see a handsome Jared wearing black jeans with a shirt and a jacket.

"Hey, Wanda! You look good." He said smiling. Then Mel literally pushed me out of the way and jumped into Jared's arms. "Hey, beautiful!" He gave her a soft kiss on the lips, and then guided us to the car. I sat in the back and had to listen to those love birds. I felt horrible.

When we arrived to the restaurant Mel put my dress straight and took my hand.

"You're going to love him. He is so handsome and nice." She whispered to my ears. We walked into the restaurant and she was looking around probably searching for my date. "There he is." She said, pointing at someone. "Hey, Ian!" _Wait, what? Ian? Is there any chance?_ I thought to myself. Then I saw him. Yes, he was the same guy from the coffee shop. And to my surprise I couldn't take my eyes off of his eyes. Those ocean blue eyes…

"Nice seeing you again, Wanda!" He said with a big smile on his face. There was only one word on my mind: _Crap!_

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**A/N: Yeah, that's gonna be pretty interesting. I hope you guys enjoyed it! I decided to upload short chapters, so I can upload more often. I hope you don't mind it. I'll do my best, but you should know that I'll have several exams for a month, so I have to study a lot. Love you so much and you know, reviews are always appreciated. :)  
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	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey Guys! So I still have to study a lot, but I just couldn't help myself and ended up writing again. I hope you'll enjoy it! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host**

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_I was rushing to the office. I was so late, my boss would kill me. I suddenly felt a body crashing into mine. I dropped my bag and the papers I was holding in my hands. Great, just great._

"_I'm so sorry. It's my fault." A man said. I looked up and saw chocolate brown eyes. They were on a beautiful man's face._

"_No, it's okay. I wasn't watching either." He managed to pick up all the papers before I could even bend down._

"_Here you go." He smiled at me, giving me the papers. My heart started melting._

"_Thank you." I tried to look okay and smiled back at him. _

"_I'm Ryan, by the way." He reached out his hand. I took it._

"_Wanda."_

"_Wanda, I'm so happy that I bumped into you." He laughed. Even his laugh was so gorgeous. I could feel that this was the beginning of something good. I couldn't be more wrong._

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_You. Gotta. Be. Kidding. Me. There is no way this is really happening. It must be just some nightmare. Wake up, Wanda! Wake up!_ But no matter how hard I was trying, I didn't wake up. It was reality. Ian was standing right in front of me, smiling at me with his beautiful smile. On the other hand, Mel looked at us confused.

"Do you two know each other?" She asked us. I couldn't say a word. I was totally frozen.

"Yeah, we met this afternoon at the coffee shop." _Did he just wink at me? What the…_

"What a coincidence…" Mel murmured.

"It's a small town." Jared joined the conversation. "I'm Jared Howe."

"Ian O'Shea." They shook hands. I was still numb, staring at him. He must have thought that I was crazy.

"And this speechless lady here is Wanda Meyer as you must know." Mel nudged me. I finally was able to take his hand.

"Hi." His smile grew bigger. He motioned to the table and we all sat down. Mel sat next to me and Ian sat in front of me. I waitress came to us and we all ordered red wine. I needed the alcohol to survive the night. As soon as she brought us our drinks I took a huge sip. Ian looked at me, amazed. I blushed immediately. I could feel my cheeks getting incredibly hot.

"Long day?" He simply asked.

"Yeah." I replied. From then on Mel started complaining about her work, they were laughing about some inside joke. I didn't mind that I was left out of the conversation. Just when I started to think that maybe the night wasn't that bad after all, Ian turned to me.

"And what do you do for a living."

"Umm…I work at a foundation company. Helping assaulted women and children."

"Wow that's wonderful." He looked impressed. My cheeks went red again.

"Yes, Wanda here is the most helpful person on the Earth." Mel said, giving me a small hug. I smiled at her.

"It's no big deal. I just help those people in need." I tried to avoid the attention. But it seemed like Ian wanted to get to know me better.

"And where are you from?" I was just about to start the whole 'I was an orphan' thing when Melanie's phone rang. I felt a big wave of relief.

"Sorry, I forgot to turn it off." She said with an apologizing smile. She took her phone out from her beg. "It's Jamie." She whispered to me. Jamie was Mel's little brother. He lived with their Uncle, Jeb, because their parents died in a car accident five years ago. Jamie was only eleven back then. I loved him so much. He was such a lovely boy.

"Hey, Jamie! What's the matter?" She asked him. I took another sip of my wine, then looked at her. Her face went horribly pale. "Wait, wait, Jamie, slow down!" She grabbed my hand and squeezed it so hard that I winced. Both guys looked really concerned. "Okay, I'll be right there, honey!" As she hung up, tears started to flow down on her cheeks. "Jeb fell off the stairs. He's unconscious. They took him to the hospital. Oh God!" She was shaking. Jared got up fast and helped her up. Ian waved to the waitress for the bill. I stood up, took the keys from Jared and rushed out to get the car. A few minutes later they came out. Jared reached out his hand for the key. I gave it to him and helped Mel get into the car.

"I'll follow you with my car." Ian said and ran to his car. I didn't have time to protest. Jared only nodded.

I got in next to Mel and held her in my arms. I was praying to God, though I stopped believing in him a long time ago. _Please, let him be okay. Let him be okay._

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**A/N: Yeah, I know it's short, but I guess it's better than nothing. So you will have to wait a bit longer for the next one, because I'm trying to put together the whole storyline and it's pretty difficult, cause you know, I have a lot of scenes in my head, but I have to fill in the gaps. However, I hope you liked it and as always, reviews are very much appreciated. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey Guys! I know it's been ages since my last update, but I've been studying really hard (and still have two exams on monday), so I hope you understand. Still somehow I managed to put this chapter together writing every night a little. I hope you'll like it! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host.**

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Ryan was carrying me to the ER. Always to a different one so no one could get suspicious. My side hurt so much, I could hardly breathe. I was sobbing quietly. He didn't hit my face lately. He didn't like to see what he had done to me. Instead he hit or kicked my body when I was on the floor. As we entered the ER a doctor came up to us.

"What happened?" He asked, leading us to an empty bed.

"She fell down the stairs. She hit her side pretty bad." Yes, I had been falling down the stairs quite often lately.

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We arrived to the ER in ten minutes. Mel was crying the whole time. I tried to calm her down, say encouraging things to her, but I was just as scared as her. Jeb was like a father to her after her parents' death, she couldn't lose him too. And poor Jamie. He still lived with Jeb. Then I realized where we were going. To the ER. I hadn't been there since I'd run away. I wanted to cry. I did, actually. I was crying too, because I felt just as much vulnerable as everytime I had gone to the ER because I'd 'fallen down the stairs'.

Jared parked the car, we jumped out immediately. I saw Ian getting out of his car too. We hurried into the ER. I felt a hand on my back, probably trying to comfort me. I could see Jared on Mel's other side, so it must have been Ian's. I was scared that a man touched me that way, but I also felt like something burnt me on that spot. I couldn't handle my own feelings; I didn't even know what I felt anymore. I pushed those feelings aside and concentrated on Jeb.

"Excuse me." Jared stopped a nurse, who was walking by. "We are looking for Jebediah Stryder, he was brought in half an hour ago."

"Yes, he was taken to the MRI. He's doctor is right over there." She said, pointing at a man, wearing a white coat.

"Thank you." Jared said and we all headed towards the doctor. I felt Ian's hand leaving my back. I wanted to stop him, to feel his hand. Then I got scared of this feeling.

Jared and Mel hurried to the doctor who was looking at some medical charts.

"Excuse me." Jared said again. "We are looking for Jebediah Stryder, he was brought in half an hour ago. The nurse said that you are his doctor."

"Yes. I'm Eustace Smith." they shook hands. "Are you his relatives?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm his niece." Mel said, whipping away her tears. "How is my uncle?"

"Your uncle fell pretty badly. He was unconscious when they brought him in. He broke his leg and he has some bruises. We took him up to the MRI to see if there's any brain damage." Mel was still shaking, so I started rubbing her arm to calm her down.

"Mel! Wanda!" someone shouted. I jumped a little. It was really easy to scare me. I turned around and saw Jamie running toward us. His cheeks were tear stained. He bumped into Mel, hugging her tightly. "Oh, Mel! He looked like a doll lying there. I thought he was dead. It was so horrible." He was crying again.

"Shh… It's all right. He's going to be just fine." I really hoped that Mel was right. Jeb had to be fine. He was strongest person I'd ever known.

"When can we see him?" Jared asked the doctor.

"Really soon. He will be taken to room 264. You can go there and wait for him. I'll go and tell you the results as soon as I get them. Till then try to calm down. He is really strong. He will be fine."

"Thank you, Doc!" Jared shook his hand and guided Mel and Jamie to the elevator. I didn't follow them. I didn't mean to bother them. After all, I wasn't family. I was nobody's family.

I was really deep into my thoughts when I realized that Ian was staring at me the whole time.

"Well, this night didn't go exactly how I planed." He said.

"Yeah, we can say that."

"So, would you like me to take you home?" he asked me, his beautiful sapphire eyes full of hope. It was horrible to admit, but I wanted to go with him. I wanted to feel his hands on my body again. I wanted to be loved again. But I couldn't say yes. I couldn't let him close to me. He would hurt me. I would hurt him. It's impossible.

"No, thanks. I'd rather walk home. I need fresh air." I said, trying to avoid his gaze.

"Are you sure? It's pretty late and I wouldn't like you to walk home all by yourself. It's dangerous." He was wrong. It wasn't dangerous out there. At least not as much as inside the house, behind closed doors.

"I can protect myself. You know, I'm a big girl." I said with a small smile.

"But still, it would make me feel better if I could take you home."

"You really don't have to." I said, starting to walk towards the exit. I wanted to run away from him, but it would have made me look crazy, so I tried to do it the polite way. He opened his mouth to protest again, but then he must have changed his mind and closed it.

"Okay. See you later, Wanda!" He said and walked to his car. I watched him driving away.

"I hope not…" I murmured to myself then started walking home. It was a pretty long walk till my apartment, but I didn't mind it. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to think about my feelings. Those feelings that I didn't dare to admit even to myself. Ian was so nice. He was more than nice. But Ryan was nice too. For a couple of months. Then he changed out of the blue. At the beginning I thought that it was my fault. That I was the one who made him so angry. But it wasn't me. I did nothing wrong. It was him.

When I arrived home I collapsed into bed. I couldn't let Ian close to me. I couldn't. But still, when I closed my eyes, all I saw were sapphire eyes.

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**A/N: So that was it. It's really not one of my best writings, but that's all I could do now. So I won't be able to update till Monday, but then I will be writing like crazy, so hopefully more chapters are coming in the very close future. You know, reviews are very much appreciated. Love to hear your thoughts. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey Guys! So I'm done with all of my exams and the results are more than great, so I'm over the moon. And here is the next chapter. Hope you'll enjoy it! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host**

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_When I woke up the sun was shining brightly. I felt an arm around my waist. It made me smile. It was my first night with Ryan. It was more than perfect. I turned around in his arms and looked up at him. He opened his eyes and smiled down at me._

"_Hey, Beautiful!" He said and placed a small kiss on my lips._

"_Hey!" I said caressing his cheek._

"_I love you so much." He said and kissed me with so much passion that I started to feel dizzy. I was so happy and in love. Everything was perfect._

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I woke up feeling happy. It was a nice dream. A nice memory from my past. From the time when I was feeling that nothing could go wrong. That we would have children and live our lives in perfect harmony. But this happy feeling lasted only for a few seconds. Then I remembered everything. Everything he had done to me. I tried to push these thoughts aside. I got out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat something. I looked at the clock. It was 6 a.m. and Saturday so I had nothing to do. I put on my training clothing, grabbed my iPod and went for a run. I wasn't that good of a runner, because I was so small and my legs were short, but since I had left Ryan I found it pretty relaxing. It felt good not to think about anything, just run like I had nothing to worry about. I was running maybe for an hour, then went home and took a shower. After that I decided to call Mel and ask her about Jeb. She answered after two rings.

"Hey, Wanda!" She sounded more than tired.

"Hey, Mel! I just wanted to know how Jeb is doing. Is he alright?"

"Yes, he will be ok. His left leg is broken and he has concussion, but he will be fine. He woke up and doing just good, of course he has a terrible headache and he will need help for a while."

"That's great news! I'm so relieved!"

"Yeah, me too. I'm taking Jamie home now and will get some sleep."

"Do you need help? Anything?"

"No thanks. I am taking care of everything."

"You know that I'm here for your, right?"

"I know. I love you Wanda!"

"Love you too. Bye!" I hung up and ate my breakfast.

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3 days later they let Jeb out of the hospital. Mel stayed home with him to take care of him and Jamie. Jeb was doing fine except the fact that he needed help. He didn't like to be taken care of. His sister, Maggie stayed with them to help. She wasn't the nicest person on Earth to say the least. She didn't like me. She always made me feel like I was an outsider, an alien. I called Mel everyday to ask about Jeb. One day she asked me about Ian.

"So, we didn't get the opportunity to talk about him. How exactly did you two meet?" Yeah I knew that I couldn't get away with it. I had to answer these questions.

"It's not that exciting. I took his coffee in the coffee shop by mistake. That's all."

"Aaaand? What do you think about him? He is super sexy, right?" I rolled my eyes.

"You do remember that you have a boyfriend, don't you?"

"It doesn't mean that I don't have eyes. And eyes like to look at sexy guys. That's all. So admit it. He is more than sexy."

"Yeah, he is and he looks like a nice guy, but I don't want a relationship. At least not right now."

"Come on Wanda, don't do this. You can't be alone forever. You have to try at least." I was running out of my patience. I didn't want to argue. I didn't want to talk about guys. Especially not about Ian. I felt like my walls, that I built to protect myself, was starting to come down. I couldn't let that happen.

"Please Mel, just drop this, ok? I really don't want to talk about it."

"But we have to Wanda. I won't let you screw this up!" That's it. I had enough.

"Why do you keep bothering me with this? It is really none of your business, Mel. I have to go now. Bye." I said, angry and hung up. I felt sorry already. I hated to fight with people or even being angry, but I couldn't help myself this time. Mel was really being annoying and I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to think about something else, so I got dressed and went to the supermarket.

I didn't like shopping, not like any other women. I was still afraid of too crowded places. I was looking for my shampoo when I got the feeling that someone was watching me. I looked around, but saw noone familiar._ I'm getting paranoid._ I thought to myself and shook my head to avoid this feeling, but I couldn't. That's when someone grabbed my shoulder. I let out a little scream and turned over to see who my attacker was. To my surprise I saw sapphire eyes again.

"I'm so sorry Wanda, I didn't mean to scare you." He looked at me, his eyes full of concern. I tried to calm myself. _It's just Ian. Take a deep breath. But why are we keep bumping into each other? Is he following me? _

"It's ok. It is pretty easy to scare me." Was he really following me or was I becoming more paranoid with every single day? "So, here we are again. Running into each other."

"Yeah, I guess that's what happens when you live in a small town like this." He said with a gorgeous smile on his face. "And how is Jeb? I haven't talked to Mel since then." I was more than happy to talk about Jeb. I liked to talk about anything but me.

"He is doing ok. Still a little weak, but getting stronger with every single day. Mel is taking really good care of him."

"And how are you?" Yeah, that's what I didn't like.

"Actually I am in a hurry. I have to meet someone." I wanted to get away from him as soon as possible.

"I guess we'll see each other later. Thanks to this small town." He said, smiling.

"Yeah. Bye." I said and hurried to the cash register.

I was more than happy to arrive home. I locked the door and all the security locks, then looked into the corner to make sure that the baseball bat was still there. Then I went into my bedroom and opened my drawer. My little gun was where I left it. I started to calm down. I was home, alone. I was safe. At least as safe as it was possible.

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**A/N: That was it. I hope you liked it. I'm gonna post one or maybe two more chapter this week and work on the storyline, so hopefully I won't make any mistakes in the story. You know that I always like to hear your thoughts and reviews are appreciated and make me happy! :) Love you Guys! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey Guys! Was I quick? It really means a lot that you're following my story and some of you even review. You know, it's pretty hard sometimes to write in a different language and there are times when I just can't put my thoughts into words. But I'm trying really hard and I hope it's worthy and you like it. Enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host.**

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_He was sitting in the kitchen when I got home._

_"Where were you?" He asked me._

_"I was with my friends. I told you we had dinner together." I took off my shoes. He slowly stood up and walked to me._

_"Were you srcewing with someone?" He asked._

_"What? No! I told you, it was just a dinner."_

_"Don't lie to me, you little slut, I know you were screwing with someone." Then he hit me. I fell to the floor, my nose was bleeding. He left the house, leaving me crying. It was my fault. I must have done something bad. I shouldn't have stay out so late. It was my fault. It was my fault..._

* * *

Wednesday was my day off, so I decided to visit Jeb. We only met a few times, but he was always so nice to me. I felt like he was my uncle too. He was a part of my new family. The family that I always wanted to have. I put on my jeans and a T-shirt. I wasn't that girly girl anymore. I used to wear dresses and skirts, but now I didn't want to be stared at. As I drove to Jeb's house, I was thinking about our fight with Melanie. I really hoped that she wasn't that angry with me and that she would finally drop the whole Ian thing. I parked the car, got out and slowly walked to the front door. I knocked and after a few seconds Mel opened the door. She looked tired and a little surprised to see me.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" She asked me, not really friendly.

"I'm here to visit Jeb. I wanted to see how he was doing."

"Sure. Come in." She stepped aside and I walked in. She guided me to his bedroom where he was lying on the bed. He smiled when he saw me.

"Hey kid, what are you doing here?" He asked me with so much love and concern that my heart ached. I pulled a chair next to his bed and sat down.

"I'm here to check on you. So how are you doing?" I asked, squeezing his arm.

"Great. A broken leg and concussion can't bring me down. I will be great in just a few seconds." He was always so tough. The strongest person on Earth. I didn't like to see him like this.

"I'm really glad to hear that. You scared the hell out of us."

"Sorry. Didn't mean to. And how are you kiddo?" Those questions I didn't like to answer, but I couldn't be rude. Not with him. So eventhough I wanted to run away from this question, I stayed and started talking.

"I had a little fight with Mel, so I'm not feeling that good."

"I am sorry to hear that. May I ask you why you two fought?" I sighed and started talking.

"It's just a guy Mel set me up with. He is nice and everything, but I don't want to do anything with him. But Mel doesn't give up so easily. You know her..."

"Yes, I do. Just give her some time. She will come around soon. You two are like sisters. You know each other so good, that it's like you're sharing the same head or something." He was right. I really hoped that we will make up really soon. It seemed like Jeb was getting tired, so I decided to leave.

"I'm gonna let you rest now. Get better really soon. I'll call you later." I stood up and kissed his cheek. When I went out Mel was sitting in the livingroom, probably waiting for me.

"He looks really good." I said and sat down next to her.

"Yeah. But he is still weak, he just doesn't like to show it." I felt really bad, talking here like two strangers.

"Mel I'm so sorry that I acted that way yesterday. I just...I just don't want to do anything with him." She looked at me and took my hand.

"I'm sorry too. I just hate the idea of you being alone. And I just can't understand your reason. I can't understand why you can't try at least." I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her so bad, that I could hardly breathe. I wanted to tell her everything about Ryan.

"Mel, I...I can't. I just can't." I told her and ran out.

"Wanda! Wanda, wait!" She shouted, but I kept running. Tears were flowing down my cheeks. What I was afraid of happened. My secret, my past came between us.

* * *

I was walking on the streets without any purpose. I didn't even know where I was, when I heard my name.

"Wanda! Wanda!" I turned around and saw one of my colleges, Walter. He was one of the nicest people I have ever known. "Wanda, what's wrong?" He walked up to me and whipped away my tears. "What happened?" His eyes were full of concern. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to talk about everything. Ryan, Mel, Ian. Everything.

"I...I..." I couldn't even speak. Walter put his arm around my shoulder. Another time I might had shrugged and pulled away, but this time it felt good. He guided me to a bench. We sat down and he started rubbing my back to calm me down. Slowly I began to relax and my sobs became more quite. Walter was silent the whole time. After I stopped crying, he finally spoke up.

"What's wrong Wanda? You know that you can tell me anything." I wanted to, I wanted to.

"I had a fight with my best friend."

"About what?" _Can I really tell him?_

"She tried to set me up with a guy. He is really sweet and everything, but I don't want to start a relationship. My last boyfriend... he turned out to be nothing I thought he was. So I don't...I can't trust men anymore."

"I see. It's a tough one. You know, we all make wrong decisions, choose the wrong person sometimes. But it doesn't mean that we should stop trying. It only means that next time we have to be more careful, take baby steps. Maybe you could start by being friends with that guy."

"Maybe you're right."

"Of course I am." He said with a smile. "So go home, take a warm bath and think about it. Everything is going to work out."

"Okay. Thank you Water! I really appreciate it." I smiled at him. He proved it again that he was a great person.

"Don't mention it. It was nothing." He sad, squeezing my hand.

"Thanks again. Bye Walter! See you tomorrow!"

"Bye Wanda!" After we said our goodbyes, I walked home. I took a hot bath and thought about Ian and everything Walter said. _Maybe I should start forgetting my past and living for the present. Maybe I should give Ian a chance, become friends with him. Like Walter said, baby steps. Baby steps Wanda, baby steps._

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**A/N: I know that all of you want Ian and Wanda to get together as soon as possible, but you have to understand Wanda's character. She was abused and needs time to recover and trust men again. But she is developing. So I hope you will be patient. You know that reviews are very much appreciated. :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey Guys! So here's a quick chapter before I go to vacation with my friends. I'll be writing the whole time, so I'll probably update on friday or saturday. Till then, enjoy this one!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host.**

* * *

_I was crawling on the floor to my phone. I was still in so much pain. It took me at least five minutes to get it. I didn't know who to call. I didn't have a family and I didn't keep in touch with my friends. Then it popped into my mind and dialed the number._

_"Hello, Wanda?" He answered the phone. I burst into tears again. "Wanda, Wanda, what's wrong?" _

_"Bu...Burns...I...I need you."_

_"Wanda, what happened?" He sounded worried._

_"Please come here. I need you... I need your help."_

_"Where are you?"_

_"I'm home. Please. He killed him... Ryan killed him. Please, I need you."_

_"Who? Who did Ryan kill? Wanda, you're scaring me." He became more and more worried._

_"Please Burns. Please hurry. He will come back... He will kill me too. Please..." Then I dropped the phone and fell back to the ground. Please Burns, please hurry, please..._

The next day I was still thinking about our little talk with Walter. I didn't know if I was ready. _I guess there's only one way to figure it out._ I got dressed and went to work, but I couldn't concentrate on the paperwork. In my lunch break I went out to have coffee and a snack. I got my coffee and was about leave when Ian entered the coffee shop. _God, it IS a small town. I can't believe that we keep running into each other._ His face lit up when he saw me.

"Wanda! It's so good to see you again." He said with his glowing sapphire eyes. _Try to trust him. Just give him a chance. _

"Good to see you too, Ian." I tried to be friendly.

"You know, we ran into each other so many times that I'm starting to think that fate is trying to say something. Maybe we should have lunch together or drink a coffee." His eyes were full of hope. Was I ready for this? I was trying to convince myself that I was, but I failed.

"That would be really nice, but I'm not ready for that. I had a really bad relationship in the not too distant past and I'm still trying to recover." It wasn't a lie after all and I didn't want to turn him down directly. He looked a little sad, but he was still smiling.

"So it's not a no." He made me smile.

"No, it's not a no. It's a later."

"That's enough for me for now. So tell me whenever you're ready. I think we're going to run into each other anyway." He laughed. It made me laugh. I couldn't remember the last time a man made me laugh. It felt good, but I wasn't ready. And I was happy that he understood. "You have a gorgeous laugh, you know that?" It made me blush. He raised his hand and reached out to me, but then he hesitated, probably waiting for my reaction. I didn't pull away or shrug. Baby steps. Seeing this he put his palm on my cheek and caressed it. "You're beautiful when you blush." That made me blush even deeper. My face was burning and I didn't know if it was because of my blush or his touch.

"I...I have to go now." I said. He pulled away his hand.

"Okay, see you later." He said.

"Bye." I left the coffee shop and went back to work. I touched my face where his hand was. It was still warm from his palm. It felt good.

I had a rough day at work. I got a new case, an abused boy and his mother who didn't dare to go to the police. I knew that feeling. Police couldn't protect these people. Especially if the abuser was a lawyer like Ryan. I was looking at the photos of them, bruises covering there face everywhere. The boy was only 5 years old. It made me sick, I felt like I could throw up in any minute. I was doing the paperwork, looking for a safe house for them.

At six p.m. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleeping. I got home, locked the door and went to the phone to see if I got any new messages. The little voicemail button was flashing. I pushed it and a familiar voice filled the room.

"Hey, Wanda! It's me, Burns." I grabbed the little table, because I felt like I could pass out any minute. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm traveling in your neighborhood and thought that I would visit you. So I'll call you when I get there. Bye." My knees couldn't take it anymore and I sunk to the floor. Burns...

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**A/N: So it was really short, but I wanted to give you guys something. :) Someone asked for some details about me. So here it is: My name is Anett, I live in Hungary, I'm 19 years old, in a relationship for 3,5 years, I just graduated and hopefully I'll go to med school. Now you might know me a little better. :) So I'll be back on friday. Have a wonderful summer! You know that reviews are very much appreciated! :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey, Guys! I can't thank you enough for your wonderful reviews. They really made my day. I'm home, unfortunately only for one day, but I managed to get to my computer and upload this chapter that I've been writing this week. I hope you'll enjoy it! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host.**

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_I heard that someone opened the door. I was afraid that Ryan came back. Came back to kill me too. Then I heard Burns' voice._

_"Wanda! Wanda, where are you?" He shouted._

_"I'm here." I whispered. He rushed into the room. His face was full of concern, but when he saw me it turned into disgust._

_"What did he do to you?" He came to me and touched my face. I winced._

_"Please take me away from here. He can come back any minute. Please, Burns, please..." My voice was so quite that I doubted that he could hear me._

_"That son of a bitch..." He murmured and picked me up. I moaned from the pain._

_"I have to take you to the hospital."_

_"NO!" I shouted as hard as I could._

_"But Wanda..."_

_"No, he would find me there." He was thinking about it while he put me into his car. "Burns!" I grabbed his hand. "You have to help me disappear."_

* * *

For the last four days all I could think about was Burns and his message. Burns was one of my oldest and best friends. We met at one of my foster homes. Since I ran away, he was the only person who knew everything about me. He helped me escape, he basically saved my life. I always told him where I lived and we spoke once in a while. But now when I felt like I could finally let go of my past and start living for the present and the future, his message confused me. I didn't know how to feel about it.

Yesterday he left another message, saying that he would pick me up this morning and take me to breakfast. I got dressed and combed my hair. It wasn't easy because my hands were shaking like crazy. I was sitting at the dining table, staring at the door. Then the doorbell rang. I stood up and opened the door. Burns was standing infront of me. He looked just like three years ago. His hair was still red and his face full of freckles. His smile grew even bigger when he saw me. I couldn't help myself and smiled back at him.

"Hey, my little Wanderer!" He said and hugged me very tightly. He named me Wanderer after I ran away.

"Hi..." I whispered and started crying. I couldn't help it.

"Don't...Shhh..." He whispered rubbing my back. "It's alright. I'm here." We stood there for a couple of minutes then I pulled away and whipped my face.

"I probably look like a mess." I said. He shook his head.

"No, you look just as beautiful as you always do." He stroked my face. "Are you ready?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Let's go then." He took my hand and guided me to his car. We drove to the diner in complete silence, we were just holding each others hand. When we got there he opened the door for me. A total gentleman as always. I smiled at him and we entered the diner. We sat down at a table and ordered our breakfast.

"So, what have you been doing the last three years?" I still didn't like to talk about myself. It didn't matter that it was Burns.

"What do you wanna know?" He asked, laughing.

"I wanna know everything." I said.

"Well, I have a girlfriend for a year. Her name is Sunny and she is the most beautiful and peaceful being on Earth. You would love her." I could see the sparkles in his eyes while he was talking about Sunny. I felt a little jealous that nobody was talking about me that way.

"I'm sure I would." He kept talking about Sunny, how they met at a gas station, how their first date went. I was happy for him, but my heart kept aching the whole time. As if someone had sat on my chest. But I didn't show it. I had became pretty good at not showing my feelings. Then he also talked about his job. He was a journalist, a quite famous one. I told him about my job here, he was really fascinated.

After we finished our breakfast, we decided to go for a walk. I hooked on him and we were laughing about an old story when I glimpsed Ian. He was smiling at me with his gorgeous smile, but then his eyes went to Burns and his smile disappeared. I felt like I was caught cheating on him, but it was ridiculous, we weren't even dating. But still, I felt bad.

"Hello, Wanda!" He said, very polite. Like we were two strangers. What we were. We were complete strangers to each other.

"Hello, Ian" I said, smiling at him. He didn't requite it. He just kept walking. I wanted to run after him and explain everything, but why? I didn't owe him anything.

Burns must saw that something wasn't okay.

"Who was this guy?" He asked, suspicious.

"Just some guy I met recently."

"You're not dating him, are you?"

"No!" I said maybe a little too harsh. "No, I'm not dating him."

"Good. You know that you can't let anyone too close." He said, very serious. "Ryan is still looking for you." Just hearing his name made me want to throw up.

"What...what do you mean he's still looking for me."

"I didn't want to tell you..."

"Burns! Tell me!"

"He hired some detective guy to find you. You have to keep moving, Wanda. It's not safe for you to stay at one place for too long." I felt like my knees couldn't hold me anymore. Burns grabbed my arms so I didn't fall. "Shit...that's why I didn't want to tell you." We started walking back to his car. I felt so weak. I felt so vulnerable again. Why? Why couldn't he give up? When we arrived to his car, he helped me get in and drove me home. I still couldn't believe what he said. After so many years why was he still looking for me? Hadn't he done enough? I didn't even realize I was crying till Burns gave me a Kleenex.

"I'm so sorry Wanda. I didn't mean to scare you or make you unhappy." He said, his voice full of guilt.

"It's okay. I had to know. It's just... You know, I finally have a few friends here and I started to live for the present and not the past. But it looks like my past will always haunt me no matter where I go." He started rubbing my hand, trying to call me down.

"I'm so sorry..." He said again. When we arrived home he wanted to come in to make sure that I'm okay, but all I wanted was to be alone.

"Are you sure you will be fine?" He asked again.

"Yes, you can go now. But maybe from now on you could call me more frequently. It was really good talking to you." I tried really hard to smile. He hugged me one more time, then he left, leaving me on the front yard, standing alone. I didn't know what to do. Should I pack all of my stuff and move right now? I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to leave Mel, Jamie, Jeb, Walter...and Ian. I didn't want to leave him either. I slowly walked into the house and sat on the couch. What should I do? What should I do? He couldn't find me. I couldn't let that happen. I was crying again as I lied down. That's how I fell asleep, thinking about Ryan and all the pain he caused me.

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**A/N: So that was it. I hope you liked it. As I said, I have some family members to visit, but I will be writing and hopefuly be able to update on tuesday at the latest. You know that reviews make me happy and writing goes easier when I'm happy. :) Love you Guys! :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey, Guys! Sorry for being a little late, I had a crazy few days with my boyfriend's family, so I couldn't write. This is a really quick and short chapter, but I needed it before the next one. So enjoy it!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host.**

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_I was just about to leave when my phone rang. I was cursing to myself. Who would call me at such an early hour. I looked at my phone and saw an unfamiliar number. I answered it._

_"Hello?"_

_"Hi, it's Ryan Grey. You know, the guy who bumped into you the other day." Oh my God! It was Ryan. I didn't expect him to call me so soon._

_"Yeah I know. How are you?" I asked. My hands were shaking a bit. I didn't talk to men too much. Not like this. _

_"I feel great now that I heard your voice." This made me smile and blush at the same time. "So I just wanted to ask you if you're free tomorrow night. I would love to take you out to have dinner. What do you say?"_

_"I am free. Come and pick me up at seven." I said with a flirty voice. I didn't even know I had a flirty voice. _

_"Then I see you tomorrow at seven o'clock. I can't wait."_

_"See you then. Bye." I said and hung up the phone. I was already thinking about what to wear to make this date perfect._

* * *

A week after Burns' visit I still didn't know what to do. All I knew is that I didn't want to leave. I was washing the dishes when the doorbell rang. I whipped my hands and opened the door. Mel was standing infront of me. I was a little surprised to see her because we didn't speak since our little fight. She was holding a little box and two cups of coffee.

"A latte macchiato and chocolate donuts. Just the way you love it." She said with a smile, like nothing happened before.

"Come on in." I said and she came in. I took out two plates and set them on the table. We sat down, facing each other.

"Look, Wanda, I'm so sorry about the way I acted. I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm really sorry." She said, her voice full of guilt.

"It's alright, Mel. I am sorry too. I overreacted." I took her hand above the table and squeezed it. She smiled at me and I smiled back. Jeb was right. We really were like sisters. Nothing could came between us. Not even my past. I couldn't let that happen.

"So, how is Jeb doing?" I asked her, changing the subject.

"He's doing really good now. Aunt Maggie is taking care of him, because I had to go back to work. Speaking of which, I met Ian yesterday and he told me that last week he saw you with some red-haired guy. I told him that he must saw someone else, but he was pretty sure it was you. So who was this guy that you were walking around with." Wow, this question came out of nowhere. I didn't know what to say, then I decided to tell the truth. It couldn't harm anyone, right?

"Oh, he was just an old friend back from one of my foster homes. He is also traveling a lot and he was in the neighborhood, so he decided to visit me."

"Wow, you never told me about him."

"Yeah, you know, I didn't really have friends, because I was traveling a lot and we didn't keep in touch. But Burns is one of my oldest friends who always helped me out."

"Well, I'm glad you're not dating anyone without telling me."

"Relax Mel. I'm not dating anyone at all."

"You will probably make up your mind as soon as I tell you about how Ian acted when he asked me about your friend." She said with a huge smile.

"How did he acted?" I asked a little excited. I hope he didn't hate me after that.

"He was beyond jealous. He was acting like he didn't care and he just brought up the subject by accident but I saw through him." I felt a rush of joy in my stomach. Was he really jealous? But why? We didn't even date once. I didn't understand it. I didn't want to make my hopes up. I didn't want to be disappointed.

"Are you sure you didn't misunderstood anything? I really doubt that he would be jealous. I mean we didn't even go out or something." I said eating my donut. It melted in my mouth, just the way I liked it.

"Believe me, when it comes to men, I am an expert." She said with a huge 'I know everything' smile. "So, the question here is whether you are interested in him or not." She asked. I didn't know what to say because I wasn't sure about the answer myself.

"I really don't know, Mel. I mean, he's nice and everything, but I'm not sure if he's the right guy for me."

"You know, there's only one way to find out." I knew. Just like Walter said. I had to try. "Whatever. I'm gonna give you his number, so it's up to you whether you call him or not." She said and wrote a number on a piece of paper.

"It's up to you now." She said again and put the paper to the table. Then she kissed the top of my head and left. I didn't move, I was just staring at the number infront of me.

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**A/N: So I hope you liked it. I needed some sister bonding between Wanda and Mel. Can we reach 40 reviews before the next chapter? There's gonna be a lot of Ian in it. So? It's up to you, Guys! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hey, Guys! Sorry for being a little late with this update, but I found some really amazing Gone with the wind fictions and I got lost in them. Thank you for the amazing reviews, they meant a lot to me. Here's chapter eleven. Some secrets and big things comming up. Enjoy it! :) **

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host.**

* * *

_I was looking at the test in my hands. I couldn't believe it. It was positive. I was pregnant. I put my hand on my belly and smiled. A little baby inside me. A little Ryan. My period was late, but I thought that it was only because of the stress or something. I didn't expect this, but I was more than happy. This baby would solve all of our problems. Ryan always told me how much he wanted to have a child. _He will be over the moon. From now on, everything is gonna be alright. Everything is going to change._ I thought._

* * *

The next day I was getting ready for work, but all I could think about was that little piece of paper on the table. No matter what I was doing, brushing my teeth or getting dressed, I always ended up at the table. I spent half of the morning, staring at it. _What if I call him? To have a coffee or something. There's nothing wrong with it. And sooner or later I'm gonna find out that he isn't that nice at all._ I was all ready when I went back to the table and grabbed that piece of paper. _Ok, I'm gonna call him._ I picked up my phone and dialed his number. _Don't pick up, go to voicemail._ I way praying to myself. I shouldn't have been so surprised when he answered it. My luck...

"Hello, Ian O'Shea is speaking." _Crap. What should I say?_

"Umm... Hey, it's Wanda Meyer." I felt that my cheeks got extremely hot. I just wanted to throw away the phone and hide under my bed.

"Wanda, what a pleasure surprise!" He said. I could hear that he was smiling from ear to ear.

"I got your number from Mel, I hope it's okay." I thought that I had to explain how I got his number. I really hoped that he didn't think I was some psychopath.

"Of course it's okay. More than okay." His voice was caressing my ear. I almost forgot what I wanted to say. Then I realized that I was completely silent.

"Wanda, are you there?" He asked. I cleared my throat, then continued.

"Sorry. So I called you, because...Umm...I just wanted to ask you if you're free… in the lunch break to have a coffee… or something." It was so awkward. Why was I doing this? _It's the man's job to ask a woman out, isn't it? I shouldn't have called... Stupid, stupid..._

"It would be a pleasure. What time do you want me to pick you up?" Did he really say yes? _We're having a date! Don't get too excited, Wanda. It's just a coffee. He didn't ask you to marry him_. I almost forgot that he was waiting for me to answer.

"I work near to the coffee shop where we met, so we could meet there around 1 p.m. Is that okay with you?"

"Perfect. Then see you at one o'clock at the coffee shop." He said.

"I can't wait." Did I really say that? _God, I'm so lame._ He only laughed quietly.

"Same here. Bye, Wanda." He said.

"Bye." I said and hung up. I wanted to jump up and down. Why was I acting like this? I couldn't let him too close to me. He was just like Ryan. He couldn't be trusted. Still, I dialed Mel's number to tell her the good news. I was acting like a teenager.

"Yes?" She said as she picked up. She sounded a little weird.

"Am I interrupting something? Were you still sleeping?" I looked at my watch. Damn, it was almost eight. I was late.

"As a matter of fact, I am still in bed, but I wasn't sleeping at all." She said with a little laugh. Then I was interrupting them.

"Sorry. I just thought that you might want to know that Ian and I are having coffee together in the lunch break." I couldn't help my self and grinned.

"What? Are you serious?" She asked, her voice shocked.

"Yes, I am serious." I got in my car and drove to work. _My boss gonna kill me..._

"God, Wanda, I'm so happy for you. It's really great."

"Thanks, Mel. But don't get too excited. It' just a coffee." I didn't want her to start planning our wedding.

"Sure, sure. One more thing. What are you wearing?" She asked. Same old Mel. All she cared about was my appearance.

"Well, I'm going to work, so jeans and a grey blouse." I looked down to see myself. Maybe it wasn't my best choice. I became worried.

"Gosh, Wanda, it's like I've thought you nothing..." I could hear Jared saying something in the background. He said something like 'Stop picking at her, Mel'. "Are your jeans tight enough?" She asked. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, I guess." I parked my car. "Okay, Mel, I have to go. Call you later."

"Call me as soon as you got back. I want to know everything." I couldn't help myself and smiled.

"I will. Bye." I hung up and I walked into the building.

* * *

I spent the morning doing paperwork, but I couldn't concentrate on it. It was hard to admit even to myself, but I was pretty excited about this date. _Coffee...not a date._ I corrected myself. I even started to worry about my look. What if he didn't like it? Before lunch break I went to the toilette and put some makeup on. My hair fell on my shoulders in lazy curls. Since I ran away I always cut it shoulder long. My eyes didn't shine like they used to. They looked like the eyes of an old woman. I put on some mascara and left.

* * *

My heart was beating like crazy as I entered the coffee shop. Ian was already there. His face lit up as he saw me. His sapphire eyes were shining more than the stars at night.

"Hi." He said and kissed my cheek. I was a little surprised by this greeting. I could feel my cheeks getting extremely hot.

"Hey. I hope I'm not late." I said and looked at my watch. It was 5 minutes before one o'clock. I wasn't late. Thank God.

"No, not at all. I came a little early." He said and led me to a table. "What do you want to drink?" He asked.

"A latte macchiato, please." I said with a small smile.

"Just a minute." He went to the counter and ordered our coffees. The woman looked completely mesmerized by Ian. I wanted to go there and drag him away. He was mine. Mine. _No he is not._ A little voice said in my head. It was true. He wasn't mine. _Not yet..._ I thought. Ian didn't seem to notice his affect on the woman. He looked at me and smiled. Then he got our coffees and came to the table.

"A latte macchiato to the beautiful lady here." He said and put my cup to the table.

"Thank you." I said and took a sip of my latte. It was more than good.

"So, last time I couldn't get to know you better. Tell me about yourself." He said, drinking his coffee.

"Well, I'm not that interesting." I wanted to avoid this topic, but I knew that this time nothing could save me. "I was an orphan. I spent my whole childhood going from one foster home to another. There were some nice and not that nice people among them."

"I'm really sorry to hear that." He said and squeezed my hand.

"It's okay. It was a long time ago." I said and slowly pulled my hand away. Touching was too much. Baby steps. "After I turned eighteen I traveled a lot. Actually, I've been traveling until I settled down here." Of course I had to leave out the part when I settled down in Chicago, where I met Ryan. I wished I could forget the whole thing as easily as I could leave it out when I was talking about my past.

"Wow, you must have seen beautiful places then."

"Yes. But it's good to stay somewhere for more than just a few weeks."

"I am really glad that you decided to stay here." He was looking at me like he saw into my head and soul. I had to turn my eyes away. I was looking at my hands with the cup in them.

"Actually, I stayed because of Mel. I ran into her in a supermarket, we talked a little and she was so nice that I decided to stay here for a little while. Then I got my job at the foundation company, so... I'm here."

"I think I have to thank her then." He said. I blushed again.

"And what about you? I bet you had a wonderful childhood."

"Well, it certainly wasn't as eventful as yours. My parents are great. After 32 years they still love each other so much that it makes me wanna have the same. They have a little family business. They still live in my hometown." I could see the love in his eyes as he was talking about his parents. Family love. The one thing I always wanted, but never had. "I have an older brother too. His name is Kyle. He has always been a total jerk. You know, the kind of kid that everyone was afraid of. He always made so much trouble and to tell you the truth, sometimes I was a part of it too." He said, laughing. I smiled too. I really enjoyed listening to his family stories. "Then he met Jodi, the love of his life. They got married and ever since Kyle is acting a little more mature. They're expecting their first child." My smile disappeared immediately. A baby. They were having a baby. She was pregnant. I couldn't listen to Ian anymore. _A baby. A little baby... _I felt a huge urge to get out. _I have to get out. I have to get out._ Thankfully Ian didn't notice that something was wrong. I tried to pull myself together. I looked at my watch.

"Oh, I'm really sorry, but I have to go back now. My break is over." I stood up, grabbing my bag. Ian stood up too. He looked a little sad and surprised. I didn't know if it was because of the way I acted or something else.

"Really? I didn't even realize that time was flying so fast."

"Yeah... Thanks for the coffee. I had a lovely time."

"Me too. Can we meet again some other time?" He asked. I didn't care about anything anymore. I had tog et out as soon as possible.

"Sure. You have my number, right?"

"Yes."

"Then call me, okay? Once again, I had a lovely time." I said and kissed him on his face. I didn't even realize what I was doing.

"Okay. Bye." He said, smiling.

"Bye." I said and rushed out. I was running on the street. I couldn't go back to work. Not yet. Not like this. I sat on a lonely bench in the park and burst into tears. I was rocking myself back and forth. _A baby, a baby..._

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**A/N: Sooo? What do you think? It's my longest chapter so far and I had a pretty hard time writing it, but I hope you liked it. Love to hear your thoughts. I hope that I will be able to update at the end of the week. Love you, Guys!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hey, Guys! I'm sorry for being superlate with this update. I had so much going on in my life lately. I got into Medical University (yaaay! :D) and had to do a lot of stuff. But I'm back with a new chapter and already working on the next one. Hope you like it! :)  
**

**P.S.: The past scenes may get a little harsh sometimes, so if you don't feel comfortable with this kind of stuff then just skip it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Host.**

* * *

_I was sitting on the couch. I didn't do anything, just stared at the front door. I was waiting for him to come home. I only hoped that today was one of the better days. We didn't have good days lately. Only worse and better days. I flinched when the key turned in the lock. _Please, God, make him leave me alone. Please, I'm begging you._ I prayed. As he stepped into the living room I could smell the whiskey coming from him. I knew it would be one of the worse days. Everytime he came home drunk, he beat me almost to death and usually raped me too. He could hardly stand on his feet. I hoped that he would just pass out. Of course, I wasn't that lucky._

_"What are you staring at?" He asked. _

_"Nothing." I murmured, looking away. He came to me, grabbed my hair and pulled me up._

_"I asked you something." He shouted into my face._

_"Nothing." I cried out. "I'm staring at nothing."_

_"You think that I shouldn't drink this much, don't you?" With that he punched me on the face. I fell to the coffee table._

_"Answer me!" He kicked my side and I crawled down to the floor._

_"No!" I cried. "Please, Ryan, please..."_

_"I know what you want." He said and unzipped his jeans. "You want me to fuck you hard, don't you?" He ripped of my shorts and my thong. I tried to push him away, but he was much stronger than me. "You get what you want." He said and thrust into me. I cried out in pain. I didn't fight him anymore. There was no use. I was only praying for him to finish soon. I was praying to the God who didn't care to listen to me anymore._

* * *

After a little while my tears stopped running down my cheeks. I was only sobbing quietly. People came by and stared at me, but I didn't care. All I could think about was my little baby. The one that I carried under my heart for months. The one that I lost under such terrible circumstances. I couldn't let myself go back then and there again. Because if I had let myself go back I wouldn't have been able to pull myself together again. No matter how hard I tried to leave the past behind it always came back haunting me. I took a tissue out of my bag and whipped my face. Of course it didn't help too much. My skin was always so pale that everyone could see if I was crying. I decided to sit there for a little while. I was trying really hard not to think about the past. My baby. I was humming a lullaby quietly. The one that I learnt when I was pregnant. I wanted to learn lullabies and bed time stories, so I would be able to put my baby to sleep. I didn't know any of them when I was a child. People didn't tell bed time stories to foster kids. I had to be thankful for at least having a bed to sleep in. After a little while I took out my mirror from my bag and looked into it. I didn't look okay, but didn't look that bad either. I stood up and started walking back to work. I was hoping that I could walk away from my past, but I felt it following me like my shadow.

When I got back to work I was hoping that nobody would notice that I was crying. As I sat down on my chair Lily walked up to me. Lily was one of the few people that I felt pretty close to me. She never made me feel like an outsider just because I came here later than them. She was smiling as she was walking toward me, but when she saw the look on my face, her smile faded and an anxious look appeared on her face.

"Wanda, is everything alright?" She asked, putting her hand on my shoulder. "You look like you've been crying." Yeah, my damn face always betrayed me.

"No, I'm fine. I'm just a little tired, couldn't sleep so well." I lied, but it sounded so false, that even I couldn't believe to myself.

"You know that you can tell me anything, right? I'm always here for you." She said, squeezing my shoulder.

"Yes, thank you." I forced a weak smile on my face. Then I realized she must have had a reason to come here. "Can I help you with something?" I asked.

"Yes, I would like to ask you a favor." She pulled a chair next to mine and sat down. She looked a little nervous, but excited. "I am planning a little surprise trip for Wes. Our anniversary will be on next week, but Lacey doesn't let me go on a holiday, because I have a really complicated case. And I wanted to ask you to take this case over, so I could go. Please, Wanda!" She asked with a puppy dog face. "I would love you to death if you could do this for me."

"Of course." I said. I didn't have anything to do in my free time except worrying about Ryan showing up, so I was even happy to have work to do. And I really liked Lily, so it was the least I could do for her. Our boss, Lacey could be so horrible with people.

"Thank you, thank you!" She screamed and hugged me tightly. "I love you so much, Wanda. You saved my life. And my sex life." She winked at me and went back to her office. I felt a small ache in my heart. Yes, maybe I was jealous of Lily. Her life was so easy. The only thing she had to worry about was her anniversary gift. She brought back the files about the case.

"Thank you again. I owe you one." She said and kissed my cheek. After that I packed my stuff and left. All I wanted was to go home and lie in my bed. I didn't feel comfortable in the parking lot. I felt like someone was watching me. I stopped and looked around, but I didn't see anyone. _I'm getting crazy._ I thought and got into my car.

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**A/N: So I hope you like it! Always love the hear your thoughts. Enjoy the summer cause it's almost over! :( Love you, Guys! :)**


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